Sunday November 15, 2020

This morning I was more determined to follow some kind of meal plan and avoid uncontrolled binges. I continued working on the one I started making last night, adjusting the calories to 1800, which is probably a little healthier for my current condition. I'm still underweight, but a lot less so, and I don't want to overshoot because I'm terrified of looking bulky. Since I walk around 1.5 miles every day, for around 45 minutes (my afternoon walk and walking the dog in the evening), I put my activity level as "light exercise, 1-3x a week", and my TDEE came out to a little under 1800. Since I walk every day, I think 1800 calories a day is a good number to aim for.

For breakfast I had half a bag of oatmeal and some apple slices. I used to not like oatmeal because it was plain and kind of watery, but after telling my Mom to reduce the water by a little, it tasted better. The cinnamon apple flavor made the oatmeal very enjoyable, and now it's become one of my favorite options for breakfast. It's warm, very filling, and low in calories, but not too low. The apple slices add some nice crunch, and provide fiber and a few more calories, so I have enough energy. Today I only had half a bag of oatmeal, since it was left over, and half an apple, so breakfast was around 120 calories. For my meal plan, I think as long as I'm reaching 1800 calories a day, I'm fine, so I can probably just eat a slightly large snack later.

For lunch, I went out with some friends. We went to a thai restaurant, New Thai Bistro. I ordered the Papaya Pok Pok (Som Thum) Salad. The salad consisted of "sliced 'green' papaya , tomato, ground peanut, green bean, carrot tossed with fresh lime sauce and chili", and I got it with prawns. The salad was surprisingly delicious. The fresh papaya wasn't sweet, it was actually pretty neutral in taste, and it was really crispy and refreshing. The peanuts added a nice earthy flavor, and the chili sauce made it spicy. The salad tasted really nice. The prawns tasted good too, and they were nice and soft, perfectly cooked. I couldn't finish the portion, so I saved half of it for later. I had a glass of water as my drink, and I ate until I was comfortably full. I think I ended up eating only 230 calories for lunch, though. The salad was pretty low in calories and I only drank water.

I went on a walk at 3:00 pm, around 40 minutes and 1.6 miles. The weather was nice today, unlike last week where it was extremely cold. 

For my snack at 4:00 pm, I finished the remaining salad from lunch, and had a Danimals smoothie. This was probably around 250 calories in total. According to my meal plan, I'm supposed to have eaten 1025 calories by now, but I've only eaten 600 so far. I think it's because I'm usually not hungry in the morning. It would probably be better for me to spread out the calories more evenly throughout the day, but I don't think it's the worst thing in the world if I eat less in the morning and eat more later in the day. I'm actually kind of happy because this means I can snack more! I find that my body doesn't need a ton of food to be full, and that nutrient-dense, low calorie foods are more filling and healthy. But, my mind sometimes craves more processed, sugary foods. When I was fully anorexic, I starved both my body and mind, by eating less than 600 calories a day with very little carbs or protein. But I don't want to just start eating whatever I crave, because my mind is hungrier than my body and I end up feeling bloated, uncomfortably full, and guilty. A meal plan allows me to make sure I'm eating enough to meet my nutritional needs, while giving me some room to include the "fun" foods that my brain craves: cake, cheesecake, PBJ's, chocolate, cookies, etc. Since I ate in moderation earlier today, I can reward myself with some "fun" foods while not worrying about bingeing or eating too much.

I went to Safeway at 5:30 to buy some more oatmeal, bread, and snacks. I ended up buying:

• 1 loaf Butter Top Enriched Wheat Bread
• 2 boxes of oatmeal (1 apples and cinnamon, 1 peaches and cream)
• 1 box of Neapolitan ice cream sandwiches
• 1 pint of Chocolate Caramel ice cream
• 1 box of Reduced Fat Nilla Wafers
• 1 variety pack of Nutri-Grain bars
• 1 box of S'mores granola bars
• 1 Tres Leches cake
• 1 Dark Chocolate Raspberry cake
• 1 3 Musketeers bar

Yum!

At 7:00, I had dinner, which was some chicken alfredo, scallops, and a beef and bok choy stir fry. It was so delicious! The chicken alfredo was nice and creamy and the scallops were a little overcooked but paired nicely with the creamy sauce. The bok choy and beef were a little bland, but not too much so. They provided a nice contrast to the more flavorful alfredo. Dinner was probably around 450-475 calories. 

So far, I've eaten 1025-1050 calories today, leaving me 725-750 to fill with snacks! Since my lunch was a salad, I wasn't able to get enough starch or protein exchanges (exchanges are similar to servings). I'm supposed to get around 10 starch, 5 fruit, 2 dairy, 8 protein, 6 veggie, and 3 fat exchanges every day. Today I've eaten 2.5 starch, 2.5 fruit, 1 dairy, 4 protein, 4.5 veggie, and 1 fat. I'm not sure if I'm calculating these correctly, though, as they seem kind of low. But for my evening snack, I'll try to get closer to the daily amounts.

We walked the dog at 8:00 and played cards afterward. I had a Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich while we played. It was a little smaller than I expected, but only by a little. I haven't had an ice cream sandwich since March, and I was taken aback by how good it was. Each of the three flavors contributed its own taste, and the wafer cookies added their own chocolatiness without overpowering the ice cream. 

After three rounds of cards, we played five rounds of cornhole. Then I went upstairs with some more snacks.

I had a slice of Tres Leches Cake from Safeway, topped with a blackberry. It was so delicious! The cake was so decadent and rich, and the condensed milk added sweetness and flavor, while the creamy frosting added lightness and airiness to the otherwise dense cake. The blackberry was good too, I haven't had one in a long time. I also ate some beef jerky, a PBJ, and a Quaker S'mores Granola Bar. The granola bar was a little smaller than I expected, but it still tasted good, and after I ate everything, I felt very full. 

My snacks in total were the 725 calories I needed, bringing my total for the day up to 1800 calories. I ended up eating 7.5 starch, 3 fruit, 6 protein, 4.5 veggie, 1 dairy, and 3 fat exchanges. Tomorrow, I'll aim to replace some of the more processed, sugary snacks with fruit or dairy. Although I am still craving all the delicious sweets and baked goods, I think I should be trying to eat more balanced overall. But, if I plan out my day, I should have some room to be flexible and indulge a little.